Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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