Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
