I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
