I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
