Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
