you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
