I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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