Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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