He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize