Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize