if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
