at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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