im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
it hurts more in the daytime
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
