hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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