I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
