I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Randomize
