How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
