she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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