Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
