I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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