Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
