Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
