My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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