my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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