White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
