i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize