They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Randomize
