She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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