we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize