If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
