the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
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