Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I have already put on my inside pants.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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