Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My dick has a subreddit
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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