I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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