Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
