This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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