i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
