ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize