i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
