if i can run in heels then i can drive
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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