You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You made out with two different species that night
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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