Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
