We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
