Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
