the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
