I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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