i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
