The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
