I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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