3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
