Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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