Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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