Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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