If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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