i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
