Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
