Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
