actually, I'm a sock model
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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