i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
