Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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