Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
