He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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