sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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