I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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