Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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