And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
