Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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