are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
