good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
